Sure, there are those annoying people at work or in our families or on social media with whom we are always butting heads in an endless stream of pointless controversy or contradiction. But the position, head to head, is not so different than the much more constructive “putting our heads together.”
What would it take to move a relationship in your life from “butting heads” to “putting your heads together”?
I react to what I see as “butting heads together” as a lack of trust between or among others. I do not usually express my uncomfortableness or dismay that “we” are not in sync. I seem to be afraid that I will lose our relationship or friendship. It doesn’t come naturally for me to let someone else know that I feel that way. Bringing up the subject can be a very delicate matter. I can’t say I have found out how to handle this kind of a situation.
Putting our heads together, my daughter and I, made me finally see the bottom line: comforting myself in my own distress is for me to do vs. someone else having to do it for me and visa versa. Entitlement vs. ownership. Domination vs. equality. Self-expression vs. filters of control. Self-compassion before overflow, yes! And then the blessed relief of that same, genuine compassion as overflow to others. Through this new understanding of one another, we have become agreeably estranged. It took us over twenty years to see the bottom line of motivation as to who-owes-who-what and for how long and then accept this result in not being able to find “our” middle ground.