Baby birds wait, beaks to the sky, for food to magically appear—as it almost certainly will. Sometimes patience and faith are all we need. The adult bird, however, had better get off its tail feathers and go hustle up its own grub.
How do you find a balance between trusting in the universe to provide and taking responsibility for creating what you need?
I can’t say off hand how I do it, but I thank you for reminding me to do so. Your message has my name on it.
When I “see” or understand that something will not be provided for me, I believe that I can do one ofd two things: I can decide that I won’t have it or I get busy trying to find out how I can obtain it. There is a big difference between NEEDING something and WANTING something. I’ve thought about this when I’m in the drive-in line at the fast food restaurant and hear people say “I NEED……or I WANT… or even I’d LIKE…. interesting, the difference.
I am also interested in this difference. In general, I try to avoid using the term “need,” because it actually physically weakens us. In classes I teach, I’ll ask a volunteer to hold her arm straight out to the side even with her shoulder. I try to push her arm down, and either can’t move it or only with difficulty. Then I ask her to engage in some “need to, “should,” or “have to” head talk. For example, “I need to lose weight,” or even “I need to stop at the office supply on the way home.” We test the arm again, and I can almost always push it down easily. We restore her strength with some self-complimentary head talk.
Margaret, very interesting; thanks for your commenting example. Yes, I realize now the implication of thinking that one “needs” something and their attitude about themselves. At least I think that is what you are indicating; it bears thinking about and as you indicate, teaching about.
The experiment I described is a variation on one in which the subject engages in self-critical head talk. “Need,” “should,” and the like can be associated with criticism. If I need to lose weight, that implies that I am too heavy. If I should do more volunteer work, that implies that I’m not doing enough as it is. Those words become associated with criticism in our brains, and we then respond to them on autopilot no matter the context, even when no criticism is intended.
Ironically, I have one major exception, and it occurs in my own elevator line/motto that I have on my business cards, etc. I first experimented with “Get what you want from others, while building bridges, not burning them.” I ran this by a few people, including some UUs. I heard a lot of “Eeew. Get what you want! That sound exploitative, dirty.” In fact, the way to get more of what you want it to ask questions about the other person’s interests, listen, try to find ways to address their interests as best you can, consistent with satisfying your own interests. But that is so hard for people to get (which is why I teach whole classes on it). However, when I changed “want” to “need,” “Get what you need from others, while building bridges, not burning them,” and ran it by the people again, they thought it was great.
Thanks again for interesting commentary. I see something in our discussion that I missed. One’s personal “need” in relation to other people can be satisfied in opening up, reaching out and accepting. I have been equating the “I need” in the drive in window line as a personal blind spot since most people don’t need the kind of food they are buying; of course this is a blatant admission that I’m in the line, too! Irony in the first degree.
Haha! I think it’s great that you can be so introspective. It is a perhaps a blessing in disguise that my ibs inhibits me from eating fast food.